Day...Oh, One Thousand!

This week has been terrible. Horrible.  Horrendous.  Valentine's Day makes me want to shoot myself in the leg.  All I have done for exercise this past week is walk through a mall once and I did about 30 minutes of yoga twice before I was forced to quit because Mirabel woke up.  I have to say that I didn't eat any sweets or nonsense but I had a little bit of cheese on my Qdoba "burrito for a bear."  So, altogether I teeter-tottered on the edge of insanity this week.  Oh ya, and bread came creeping back into my life like a dirty little ninja.

There did come a time where I saw a young lady eating an Almond Joy and I about tackled her in the hallway at school for it.  Melty, delicious chocolate sounds right up my alley.  Then I look on facebook and peruse through all of these gorgeous girls' profiles and see how skinny they are, with definition in their arms, and no curvey-curves and I have this imminent feeling to puke myself skinny.  I secretly wish I could run while blogging without seriously damaging myself.

If I could lose a pound for every time I turned down eating a candy bar, cake, or sweet of some sort, I would be very thin by now.

I haven't lost any weight this week and may or may not have gained 12 pounds of pure self-loathing depression.  I have this terrible feeling that when I walk into a room people look at me like, "what was that girl thinking? Does she have any idea what size shirt she actually is?  Look at that muf-top on the chubby one who just walked through the door!"  Even the days I feel exceptionally confident and skinny, a picture will pop up on facebook the next day and I am slouching like a slob or I have a trip-chin deluxe hanging off my face.  Gross.  Some days I would like to stand naked in front of the mirror and take a sharpie to my flesh of all the places I want to cut off.  That would be great.  I would enjoy that.  I think I'm going to do that at some point in time, keep a copy of it and once I hit my target weight, compare my current nude self to the new nude self.  Say that 10 times fast.

This week I will try harder. I have additional pounds to make up for now and feel the pressure immensely.  I think I may quit eating altogether and take up sleep walking on the treadmill.  Or perhaps this week has been my "eff this" week since I was "motivated marcy" last week.  What ever it was, my intentions are honest and I plan to get back on track with the exercise.  Even though this week is midterms and my hair is falling out in clumps on my head from stress.  I'll make it happen.  You'll see.